the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
don't judge my taste in strippers
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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