Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
