I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
