Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
