ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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