one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
