No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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