I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
