she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
