similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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