did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
