okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
