apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
