just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
