it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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