Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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