"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
