My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
