Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
