He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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