so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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