A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize