you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
