Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
