i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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