I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
