If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
