ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
