i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
