I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
