Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
