I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize