In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
