i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
