ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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