take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize