piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
