Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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