We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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