I can tuck mytits in my pants
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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