Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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