My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
they need to just BURY HIM!
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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