just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
