Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
