my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Buhtt sex?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
