those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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