Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Don't make out with my wife yet
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
