Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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