if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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