i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Randomize
