I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Panties = found
Randomize
