and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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