So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
