That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
