If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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