She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
