i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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