It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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