sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
