We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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