I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
