so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
