We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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