You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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