1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
