I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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