know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize