to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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