I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
