omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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