Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
