I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
how does that bad decision feel?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize