So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
