my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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