TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
